Films of the Noughties – Movies that define the Decade

Sitting comfortably? I hope so. This is it, the opinion piece you’ve been waiting 10 years for… here is the (nowhere-near) definitive list of the films that truly embody the spirit of this quick, painful decade.

Yes, it may have been absmal, full of caution, panic and retrograde mentalities, but at least we’ve been rewarded by filmmakers with a feast of cinematic treats to sink our teeth into. This article barely skims the surface, refusing to purport to the final word on this contentious matter. The approach is far more scatter-shot… 

A film a year, and any that just missed the top spot.

So with all that said, tuck into a mince pie as I begin…

2000

Winner: Sexy Beast

The best British gangster film since The Long Good Friday, with one of the great modern villains. Don Logan, played by the notoriously capricious Ben Kingsley, is a dangerous mix of jealousy, paranoia and downward-spiralling temper. In a sizzling film blessed with a terrific cast on top form, Kingsley owns every scene… even when he’s not there.

Runners-up: Memento, In the Mood for Love, Battle Royale

2001

Winner: Mulholland Dr.

2001 was a fairly bloodless year for human stories, but that’s a charge that certainly can’t be levelled at Lynch’s Mulholland Dr. Adapted from what was originally planned to be a TV series, the result was a horrifically compulsive, compulsively horrific trip to the dark side of the human psyche, the kind that only Lynch can pull off. No other film of this decade has touched such a nerve with audiences, offering a mysterious puzzle-box that seems to only become more confusing and crpytic the harder we try to open it.

Runners-up: Donnie Darko, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, Gosford Park 

2002

Winner: City of God

This Brazilian crime epic is as essential as your backbone. A sprawling tale that compels from start to circular finish, not only does it balance a bristling narrative intensity with a dreamy atmosphere, the film is a thought-provoking allegory of youth on the edge and running out of time. Beautiful cinematography belies the harsh reality that the characters are living through, and the idea of fate resonates long after the credits have ended. A real wake-up call.

Runners-up: Hero, Spiderman, Minority Report

2003

Winner: Oldboy

The Asian film of the decade needs little introduction. Pushing the limits of screen anguish to new levels, Choi Min-Sik gives his signature performance as a man imprisoned without reason, suddenly released and out for revenge. Excruciating and no-holds barred film-making it may be, but Oldboy manages to reach depths of emotion and unspoken human feeling that only Clint Eastwood’s Mystic River came close to matching.  

Runners-up: Mystic River, The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, Ong Bak

2004

Winner: Saw

A fantastic year for entertainment saw the release of the most influential horror film for twenty years. Looking back at it now, it’s still possible to see how this low-budget shocker spawned a massively lucrative global franchise and even a new genre, lovingly dubbed ‘torture porn’. The simplest movie on the list by far, Saw is just a downright belter, a brilliantly gruesome thriller and no bullshit horror flick for the ages. Forget the bloated pretenders to the crown, the original will always be the best. 

Runners-up: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Kung Fu Hustle, Team America: World Police

2005

Winner: A History of Violence

David Cronenberg’s subtle, menacing and typically peculiar thriller arrived in 2005 to great critical acclaim. Set in small town America, initially it seems to set itself up like a modern-day western. Being a Cronenberg though, it isn’t long before things starting hittng the fan and the traditional bonds that hold Viggo Mortenson’s family together unwind. A quiet, curious film that takes a delicate knife to any pre-conceptions.

Runners-up: Brokeback Mountain, Downfall, Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story

2006

Winner: Borat

Sacha Baron Cohen’s comedy sensation holds the honour of funniest film of the Noughties, amid a host of satiric rivals. Cohen’s masterful invention, Borat, is an offensive yet utterly loveable guy with enough abrasive naivety to get the most out of his US victims in this glorious mockumentary. If you haven’t watched it yet, stop reading now and go and hunt down the DVD. Even the disc menu is hilarious!

Runners-up: Pan’s Labyrinthe, Crank, Casino Royale 

2007

Winner: There Will Be Blood

Daniel Day-Lewis, in the performance of the decade, is simply incredible, what must be the film of the decade. There Will Be Blood is so colossal in proportions, so grand in its scale and pretensions, and so utterly remarkable in its power and incisive commentary that it is impossible not to be swept up in the hype upon viewing it the first time. And the second. And the third.

Runners-up: No Country for Old Men, The Host, The Lives of Others

2008

Winner: Hunger

A staggering work from the folks at Film4, this small masterpiece went largely unnoticed amidst the spectacle of greedy award-munching blockbusters. Recalling the last months of Bobby Sands, imprisoned IRA terrorist turned hunger-striker, the film has a fierce realism, yet unfolds at a whimsical pace, poetical in its surrealness and stage-like in its elocution. Desperate and persuasive, it still refuses to take sides.  

Runners-up: The Dark Knight, Let the Right One In, Gomorrah

2009

Winner: Up

Ending the decade on a much needed high note, this marvellous animated adventure takes the audience on an emotional journey. Dealing with life, love and death in a way that’s not only trueful but also positive and family-friendly is no small feat, but Up manages it with a tale brimming with colour and humour. Wonderous and truly original, its film a that really is for all ages and satisfies on the largest and most intimate of measures. See it!

Runners-up: Inglorious Basterds, The Hangover, The Hurt Locker

Merry Christmas!

BATMAN movies – TOP 10 ranking!

The Dark Knight. It’s good, isn’t it? Heath Ledger’s good. Christian Bale is, er… well, yeah I suppose he’s good too. The action is tight. The plot is compelling. Is it the best Batman movie?

Not by a mile. Sorry. And now’s the time for the corrective.

Old Batman has been biffing baddies in feature-length adventures since the 1960’s, from the top of the box office rankings to Sunday afternoon straight-to-video gems. But which is the best? Read on to find out…

10. Batman and Robin (1997)

Yeah, it’s an easy target. It’s also the cine equivalent of throwing several tonnes of money into a bonfire heap… looks impressive, but is ultimately pointless and stupid. Clooney yawns through a witless series of senseless one-liners, O’Donnell whines endlessly, and Schwarzenegger shoots himself in the foot with a groan-inducing performance which undoes all of what little credibility he had left. All of them should have shot themselves in the head before signing on for this turkey.  

9. Subzero (1998)

Say what?! Yes, this movie does exist. The year after Joel Schumacher’s creation bombed, the creators of the cherished Batman: The Animated Series released this video offering for the kiddies. Basically a remake of the above, it re-tells the story of Mr. Freeze’s ghastly plots for icy domination, but cuts out all the camp. That still doesn’t make it particularly fun, though. All the characters are in the right places, with Kevin Conroy once again providing his masterful vocals as Batman, but this film ended up bookmarking the TV show for good.

8. Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker (2000)

Another obscure entry, but certainly worth checking out. This cartoon feature is based on a newer series, looking into the exploits of Batman’s leaner (and slightly bland) successor.  Most of the entertainment comes from the return of Mark Hamill as the voice of the Joker. Hilarious, demented, urbane and sadistic… Hamill’s superior villain has it all. Not to give away too many plot points, with it having that ‘big twist’ and all, this movie is down-right nasty at times and got some heavy snipping in the US at the hands of the MPAA.

7. Batman (1966)

You knew it was coming! Funnier than Batman Forever, and with more punch-ups than Batman Begins, I am entirely sincere in saying this is one of the most entertaining films of the 60’s. But it sure ain’t no masterpiece. Adam West puts Leslie Nielsen to shame for comic dead-panning, although Burgess Meredith steals the show as the explosively brilliant Penguin. Every Batman villain you could want is accounted for, accompanied with some wonderfully hip, slanting camera angles and dialogue that’ll have you dribbling with laughter… yep, it ain’t pretty, but it sure is a good time.

6. Batman Forever (1995)

Another giggle-fest, this time with the benefit of Val Kilmer in an underrated though under-played depiction of the Caped Crusader. Schumacher opts for a neon tone that strangely compliments the gothic scenery, giving the whole picture a surreal and fantastical air. Tommy Lee Jones has a hoot with his ridiculous take on Two-Face, while Jim Carrey is just his usual marvellous self as the Riddler. Even Nicole Kidman gives her all… as a blonde bimbo love interest to Kilmer’s pouting rich-boy, with what is surely her best acting to date. Well, she’s definitely never looked better…

5. Batman Begins (2005)

The Bale period finally makes its appearance in the ranking with this, a creepy, myth-busting journey into Batman’s origins. Liam Neeson pops up as teacher to the orphaned Bruce Wayne, but makes less of an impression as the villain of the piece. Director Christopher Nolan, having worked previously with Bale, settles in comfortably with his cohort, creating a typically neurosis-heavy tale of redemption and transformation. Other famous faces, like Gary Oldman, add welcome depth to the supporting cast, and whilst Bale makes a good fist of his performance as Batman, his portrayal of Bruce Wayne is slightly repellant. A good effort overall, but strays too far into reality.

4. Batman Returns (1992)

Visionary director and all-round master of Gothicism, Tim Burton, follows up his 1989 smash hit with this gruesomely twisted sequel. From the fetishistic Catwoman (Michelle Pfeiffer) to the grotesque Penguin (Danny DeVito), the audience is presented with an oddly evil gallery of rogues. Yet Burton still manages to evoke sympathy for their plights into madness, with Keaton’s calmly brooding Dark Knight taking a back seat. The effects, sets and stylishly destructive action are orchestrated with a finesse and attention to detail rarely found in such high-budget affairs, leaving one of the all-time high points on Batman’s cinematic career.

3. The Dark Knight (2008)

“Blasphemy!” I hear you cry. “Unneccessarily controversial!” you’re probably thinking, if not saying. But there it is, The Dark Knight is not the best Batman film. Taking it for granted that readers are already well-versed in what makes this such a ‘modern masterpiece’, I will highlight some of the negatives that spoiled it for me. Christian Bale sounds silly, and is faintly boring. Heath Ledger gives a riveting portrayal of a deranged, nihilistic murderer… but he isn’t funny. He fails to strike that balance between criminal lunacy and jarring threat at the very core of the Joker. Christopher Nolan’s movie is a disturbing and thought-provoking exploration of ’the war on terror’ and contemporary global issues, despite what many nit-picking naysayers claim. The problem is that, for the most part, it has nothing to do with the Batman universe. Divorced from its comic book origins, completely humourless and fairly depressing. Still a bloody great film though.

2. Batman (1989)

Recently over-shadowed by the above movie, this still remains the superior effort. Michael Keaton is wholly convincing, whether shuffling around a party as Bruce Wayne, or being a gravelly-voiced badass on the streets of Gotham. Gloomy cinematography abounds, with painted-in backgrounds and obvious minatures only adding to the feeling of warped grandiose. Every actor plays to perfection, every set-piece is a marvel to behold… but there is little doubt that Jack Nicholson’s scenes are the most memorable. Keaton does too good a job to let him steal the show, but Nicholson’s Joker is a marvellous manic creation: an urbanely tough gangster turned Clown Prince of Crime. Burton’s bizarre show really stays with you.

1. Batman: Mask of the Phantasm (1993)

The Caped Crusader’s greatest cinematic representation is a paltry 77 minutes long. But if you count yourself as a true fan of the comics, animation, or even movies in general, you aren’t going to want to miss this. A flop at the cinema, with a quality of animation hardly much better than the TV show that it’s spun-off from, the movie has since gained a cult following on video and DVD. Kevin Conroy excels himself this time, as Batman is forced to confront his past, from his dead parent’s legacy to an old flame that might just be his last chance at happiness. There really is emotion and pathos to spare, handled with subtelty and remarkable deftness. Shirley Walker’s stirring musical score permeates the compelling, even gut-wrenching set-pieces, all with a simple, bold animation style. And finally, there is the small matter of Mark Hamill as the Joker; not only is the villain at his cackling, sadistic best here, we even get to learn a little about his life before becoming the ultimate scary clown. He’s the perfect nemesis to Batman, and this is the perfect Batman film. Go and see it now!

The Death of the BLOCKBUSTER?

1975 was the turning point. With the release of Steven Spielberg’s horror smash Jaws, the ‘event movie’ was born. The studio business would never be the same.

Nowadays, it’s impossible to imagine a world without ‘event movies’. These are the blockbusters in waiting, the predicted money-cows at which major studios chuck millions of dollars in marketing, strong in the conviction that their babies will come home to roost. And if they’re lucky enough, maybe they’ll double the earnings in overseas ticket sales! Oh the joy of wanton capitalism! After all, who cares if those pondering, snotty critics sniff at their 90 minute fluff-fest… they made it FOR THE PEOPLE!

Wait a second though… I think I may have spotted a problem, far in the distance. It only takes a cursory glance at the list of films on offer at the avergae multi-plex, week in and week out, to notice a tedious trend of simultaneity. In the old days, a fifth sequel was usually sidelined for the B-movie market and below. In 2009, Saw VI is to be released for the international market. You can almost smell the anticipation of Lionsgate from this side of the Atlantic.

“So what”, you may say. They’re popular, they make money, so it makes sense. But this trend towards copy-cat plots, endless sequels and remakes of classics, all at the upper echelons of the industry, is simply unsustainable. Pundits are always eager for a second helping, true… but even they get bored after a while. All the obvious ideas for the big money-makers have been used up.

The last time a blockbuster was able to achieve parity of critical and financial success was with Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings trilogy. But its clear that the films attracting attention from the Oscar crowd are ones that are creative and original in their composition. Audiences are more and more aware of the quality of these smaller works through their proliferation on the internet… the 21st century word-of-mouth.

So am I suggesting that the blockbuster will die out? It certainly has little future in its present, nominal state. But that doens’t mean the end of big-budget movies. If Lord of the Rings taught us anything, its that fusing originality and real imagination into a large-scale work will still mean bums on seats, especially if they’re being urged on by the nodding heads of the increasingly influential critics’ scene. Perhaps the one studio that truly understands this is Disney; its collosal movie brand, with Pixar, have created some of the most inspiring ‘event movies’ of the last few decades. Their newest film, Up, is continuing the success story, with audiences across the world attending in droves. 

So if quality ends up reigning supreme once again at the box office, this may well be the death of the blockbuster…  in the hideously mundane form it has become. Leave the dirge for the video market, where it belongs.

Memorable Movie Death Scenes

The death scene. The cinematic equivalent of an orgasm. The film slips along steadily, building up momentum and just a little fear, climaxing with a fatal release of tension, upon which the narrative and themes rest comfortably. It is the ecstatic cornerstone of movie substance. 

In other words… they get the punters in.

We all know the titles: Scarface, Braveheart, Citizen Kane. Been there, done that. So here are a few other death scenes that really stick in the memory.

Videodrome (1983) – … or “Reality TV with a bit more edge”. David Cronenborg’s creepy body-shocker hits today’s audiences even harder with its troubling meditation on virtual entertainment. James Woods’ suicidal fate in the finale, as a victim of the modern age, is a tragic note in a film largely devoid of humanity. Pretentious, gaudy… strangely affecting.

Wit (2001) – This theatrical adaption, heavy on the dramatic monologue and bitter realism, sees hospital-bound uni professor Emma Thompson on her last legs with cancer. Erudite to the last, the final moments are made all the more poignant by the contrast of her status; stripped and undignified in front of the doctors, a life of learning about the world has not allowed her to beat it’s laws.

Licence to Kill (1989) - And damn is it a good kill. Head honcho Sanchez (ruthlessly portrayed by Robert Davi) squares up to Dalton’s bond after a wild tanker chase. Ready to skewer the hero on a machete, Bond grunts one of the coolest lines in action movie history: “Don’t you want to know why?” The vengeful cig-lighter payoff, featuring a nasty fire stunt and gargantuan explosion, is completely quip-less and fittingly callous.

Bullet in the Head (1990) - John Woo’s powerful brotherhood epic pulls no punches… the death of Jacky Cheung’s character, assisted by loyal friend Tony Leung, is a real gut-wrencher. The visceral puncturing of flesh is grisly and harrowing, but for all it’s melodrama it is genuinely emotional. The persistently melancholy score and committed performances make for a brutal head-trip… even the hardest guys in the audience will have a lump in their throat.

Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life (1983) – The occasionally inspired, often plain odd final entry in the Monty Python film canon ends on a high musical note. After a grumpy Grim Reaper piss-takes a gathering of newly-deceased Brit and Yank tourists, we are led through a black hole into the ultimate celestial holiday resort. It’s hard to describe this camp extravaganza, headlined by a shiny-toothed Graham Chapman… best just to watch it yourself with jaw well-slackened.

Part Two coming soon folks!

WARNING: this movie is too loud

Everyone knows the feeling. You walk into a cinema, eagerly anticipating the latest blockbuster release / sappy rom-com / Oscar-bait performance piece. Nestling comfortably into your seat with a bag of popcorn, you wait for the dated music to fade out and the screen to flicker into life. And what are you finally greeted with?

ADVERTS. COMMERCIALS. BIG BLARING LIGHTS AND FLASHING COLOURS. And above all… NOISE. “Oh God. It’s too loud. Why does it have to be this loud? This is really annoying. This must be bad for my hearing, I swear. Christ that is loud. So LOUD. SO FUCKING ANNOYING!”

Of course I’m not insinuating that this is a phenomenon natural to adverts. Their very purpose is to get attention, and so, I can allow them a little bit of leeway. The unsettling noisiness of the ‘feature presentation’ itself is the key here. Why is every single movie (and every TV show for that matter) saturated with mind-numbing backing music and offensively penetrating sound effects? Unless it’s an action movie or a film for drooling kiddies, why should the audience be subjected to such incredible levels of audio abuse?

Is it to enhance the overall effect of a certain scene? To fully impregnate the viewer with a sense of the director’s purpose? Well, clearly the answer is yes. Advancements in technology, especially in the last twenty years, have allowed new productions unparalleled levels of sound clarity and depth of volume. But does that necessarily make for better films?

And, of course, the answer is a resounding NO. The very reason for much of this pervasive invasion of noise, often overriding the dialogue, clouding actors’ performances, and drowning the audience in a sea of wordless ‘feeling’, is to simply make up for the deficiencies of the film itself. What a lousy script, half-arsed performances and messy camerawork can’t do for you, the clunking sound effects and washing-over of a musical score will compensate. It not only gives little value to the rest of the work, it shows a lack of trust for the audience’s intelligence… you won’t ‘get’ what’s happening unless it’s clearly indicated by sound.

This is not to say that all loud movies are bad, or that movies should never be ‘too loud’.  But it is an infuriating trend in the entertainment and media industry of dumbing down by turning up the sound dial… a psychological ploy that gives the impression of value, without any true substance.

Is there any need for War Movies?

Everyone appreciates a good war movie. There’s little doubt on that note. Whether it’s the social melodrama or the action-packed comradery that strikes a chord, audiences have always flocked to see these vivid spectacles. The question is: why the hell would anyone be attracted to the concept of wide-scale suffering?

It might be easiest to call it sympathy. As Oliver Stone knows all too well, the more explicit your depiction, the more emotional the response. Men are blasted in gratuitous slow-motion, almost like a rallying-call for movie-goers to renounce their wicked ways, end wars and live the life of a good American Christian. The film is only as good as how much it makes you cry… and the more you cry, the more the director has healed you and created a better person. Bit creepy, isn’t it?

So how did all this ’save the whales’ patronising come about? Cinema is a very modern art form, but you need to rewind to the roots of the war film to understand what it’s all about. Back in the Forties and Fifties, Hollywood studios were clustered with Hun-beating, Commie-smashing adventure flicks, hooking in the old Western crowd and the same actors to boot. Before the spy became the hero of choice, it was the gritty charm of the young soldier that took all the credit. To spell it out: Entertainment and Propaganda were one and the same.

But modern audiences don’t really respond in the same way to flag-waving anymore. They’ve become a little more canny about cheering on calculated slaughter, no doubt after the media storm of the Cold War exposed just what was actually happening. And that’s the point. War movies make the impossible claim of accurately conveying the true horror of war itself, which is a horrendous fantasy. So is there really any need for War Movies for post-Iraq audiences? If you want a guilty thrill-ride, a cathartic witnessing of ‘true’ suffering that makes you appreciate your own relative happiness and gets the blood pumping, why not watch a Saw movie? At least they don’t have false pretences.

Bande à part (1964) – review

French New Wave cinema has a special, reverent aura surrounding it. If you want to know about ‘great cinema’, you’d be well advised to scrutinise some old black and white films, sapping off the energy of past masters. Quentin Tarantino did it. Wong Kar Wai did too. Name-dropping François Truffaut or Jean-Luc Godard in a list of influences has become not just expected, but the norm.

And so to Bande à part, often cited as Godard’s most accessible and widely-popular film. Bordering on plotless-ness, it’s a hip slice of 60’s youth and a light crime tale which saunters leisurely through 97 minutes. Along the way we meet Odile, played by the quietly magnetic Anna Karina, who acts as the central figure of a peculiar love triangle. Godard teases audience expectations at every turn; just as we expect the story to progress, it is waylaid by an impromptu minute of silence, or a strangely care-free dance in a cafe. Underneath the playful demeanour, however, the characters are determined to succeed: in love, or in riches.

For such small little works, these films certainly had a big impact. And maybe that’s why they’re a bit of a problem to watch in the 21st century. Godard relies on subliminity… Bande à part, as the title suggests, is not meant to work on expectation. The idea of coming from the outside, delighting the audience with small, unexaggerated visual messages, is difficult to say the least. These films are so well-documented, so adored and mimicked, that audience members expect an enlightening experience. Instead, they are left bored and confused, presented with a film as pretentiously impenetrable as the French language itself.

At the end of the day, the only way to really enjoy these films (and yes, funnily enough you are supposed to enjoy this stuff), is to let it creep up on you. Expect very little, treat it as a bit of fun, and you’ll get more out of it. Parade it around as ‘important’ and ‘influential’, and you’ll end up wondering what all the fuss was about.

Marathon Man (1976) – review

Watching Marathon Man is like waking up from a coma and getting a slap in the face. It is, without doubt, one of the most exciting films you will ever see.

And I don’t say that lightly. Never has a mainstream Hollywood ‘thriller’ so completely delivered on its promise.

From the terrifically unnerving score to the revolutionary, jolting editing, the film comes up trumps. Dustin Hoffman is the titular college student hero, Babe Levy, trapped in a perpetual nightmare of haunting historical mystery and ever-present danger. His brother, played with steady power by the late Roy Scheider, is a secret government agent who arrives to complicate Babe’s life just as he seems to be getting it all together. But as the old saying goes, nothing and nobody are as they seem.

Laurence Olivier gives the star performance out of a range of brilliant turns, portraying the ex-Nazi dentist Christian Szell with controlled, seething ferocity. At one moment he is clinical, the next greedily impassioned. Director John Schlesinger handles the distinguished cast with great skill, playing Hoffman’s nervy improv off against Olivier’s stagecraft wizardry to gripping effect. William Godman’s screenplay, adapted from his own novel, shows considerable care in its management of vital clues… ultimately, we see everything but only know as much as the central protagonist.

The camera probes the action, especially with its discomforting close-ups, most memorably during the DIY dentistry scene. ”Is it safe?” Szell asks, as much to the squirming audience as his on-screen victim. Every shot of action is painfully realistic, captured with a genuine rawness reflected also in the seething backdrop of New York city. This ‘realism’ doesn’t use the gimmicks of modern cinema which have left viewers tired and disillusioned… it is simply a testament to the commitment of the film-makers.

But it’s the strange mix of intoxicating realism and enduring nightmare that give Marathon Man the thrill of the chase. If you want the perfect antidote to today’s over-hyped, mediocre fare, then look no further. This film doesn’t say it’s cool. It just is.

Nicolas Cage – Where did it all go RIGHT?

Who won the best actor Oscar of 1996? Just give a small guess.

That’s right: Nicolas Cage. And for what? His harrowingly believable turn as an alcoholic screenwriter in Leaving Las Vegas, a role given a conviction unparalleled in his career. Some might say this was the high-point of his career… after all, who can disagree with an Academy Award?

Then again, some might point to his next move: the ‘unconventional action hero’ years.  The Rock, Con Air, and the almighty Face/Off  were the last hurrah to the excesses of 80’s macho bullshit, planted firmly in the hands of everyone’s favourite Pachinko salesman. Blowing audience expectations and box office figures, Cage looked to be in his hottest position yet. But what was to come?

The answer, as we all know, is a handful of OK stuff and a shedload of shit. Adaption was a nice touch in a stream of unadulterated nonsense, starting with City of Angels, moving through Gone in Sixty Seconds, Windtalkers, and reaching an all-time  nadir with The Wicker Man. And that’s not even half the story. Cage is a figure of global derision, the king of remake hash-ups and minimal effort acting… and that is exactly why we love him.

Producers are tripping over themselves trying to get ol’ Crazy Nic to sign up for the latest cinematic shit-fest because he never fails to pull in the punters. The new Nicolas Cage film has become a major event in the film world, with critics and audiences alike hungrily waiting to rip apart his latest ‘failure’. Cage is living in a golden age. The roles keep coming, the cinema-goers keep complaining, and the money keeps rolling. Just take a look at the guy’s résumé on IMDB if you need proof.

So where did it all go right? When he stopped being an actor and took to working on his drawling accent and quirky expressions. Mr Cage has proven once and for all that effort doesn’t always equal reward.

Rocky V (1990) – review

Rocky V is without doubt the worst film of the series. Full stop.

Oh wait, you want more? Underrated is it? Misunderstood is it? Not so bad with a little bit of perspective?

Well, I would actually have to agree. The fact is, Rocky V is a great bit of afternoon entertainment, and a tasty little substitute to whatever Danielle Steel clap-trap is clogging up your telly screen. It just ain’t the show-stopping emotional sucker punch everyone was expecting.

Rocky loses his cash, his home and his dignity. He has no real triumphant comeback, no adrenaline-thumping training montage. He is, in fact, “a bum”. Tommy Morrison is convincing as Tommy Gunn, Rocky’s new apprentice off the street, maybe because the role required as much commitment as basically playing yourself. The final fight also has a bit of a sour note compared to the smash-bash crowd pleasing of old. Even Stallone hates Rocky V, let alone everyone else.

But this is all beside the point. The film succeeds because, ignoring the uninspiring title, it is actually a spin-off rather than a sequel. The drama shifts from the ring back to the streets of Philly; Rocky faces the responsibility of parenthood, and ultimately struggles with choosing either personal glory or the quiet family life. Rocky originalists will appreciate the final performance of the series by Burgess Meredith as grouchy coach Mickey, speaking from beyond the grave in one of the few scenes which matches the moving power of the first film.  But Christ, who gives a damn about all this cliched tripe when Stallone should be mashing the face of some big bully? Unfortunately for fans of Rocky IV’s streamlined action thrills, the film refuses to make any concessions.

Now, with Rocky Balboa, the series gets the fifth entry the audiences and critics always wanted. But this little ‘blip’ is still worth a look, a solid stand-aloner which would go down nicely with some tea and biscuits.