BATMAN movies – TOP 10 ranking!

The Dark Knight. It’s good, isn’t it? Heath Ledger’s good. Christian Bale is, er… well, yeah I suppose he’s good too. The action is tight. The plot is compelling. Is it the best Batman movie?

Not by a mile. Sorry. And now’s the time for the corrective.

Old Batman has been biffing baddies in feature-length adventures since the 1960′s, from the top of the box office rankings to Sunday afternoon straight-to-video gems. But which is the best? Read on to find out…

10. Batman and Robin (1997)

Yeah, it’s an easy target. It’s also the cine equivalent of throwing several tonnes of money into a bonfire heap… looks impressive, but is ultimately pointless and stupid. Clooney yawns through a witless series of senseless one-liners, O’Donnell whines endlessly, and Schwarzenegger shoots himself in the foot with a groan-inducing performance which undoes all of what little credibility he had left. All of them should have shot themselves in the head before signing on for this turkey.  

9. Subzero (1998)

Say what?! Yes, this movie does exist. The year after Joel Schumacher’s creation bombed, the creators of the cherished Batman: The Animated Series released this video offering for the kiddies. Basically a remake of the above, it re-tells the story of Mr. Freeze’s ghastly plots for icy domination, but cuts out all the camp. That still doesn’t make it particularly fun, though. All the characters are in the right places, with Kevin Conroy once again providing his masterful vocals as Batman, but this film ended up bookmarking the TV show for good.

8. Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker (2000)

Another obscure entry, but certainly worth checking out. This cartoon feature is based on a newer series, looking into the exploits of Batman’s leaner (and slightly bland) successor.  Most of the entertainment comes from the return of Mark Hamill as the voice of the Joker. Hilarious, demented, urbane and sadistic… Hamill’s superior villain has it all. Not to give away too many plot points, with it having that ‘big twist’ and all, this movie is down-right nasty at times and got some heavy snipping in the US at the hands of the MPAA.

7. Batman (1966)

You knew it was coming! Funnier than Batman Forever, and with more punch-ups than Batman Begins, I am entirely sincere in saying this is one of the most entertaining films of the 60′s. But it sure ain’t no masterpiece. Adam West puts Leslie Nielsen to shame for comic dead-panning, although Burgess Meredith steals the show as the explosively brilliant Penguin. Every Batman villain you could want is accounted for, accompanied with some wonderfully hip, slanting camera angles and dialogue that’ll have you dribbling with laughter… yep, it ain’t pretty, but it sure is a good time.

6. Batman Forever (1995)

Another giggle-fest, this time with the benefit of Val Kilmer in an underrated though under-played depiction of the Caped Crusader. Schumacher opts for a neon tone that strangely compliments the gothic scenery, giving the whole picture a surreal and fantastical air. Tommy Lee Jones has a hoot with his ridiculous take on Two-Face, while Jim Carrey is just his usual marvellous self as the Riddler. Even Nicole Kidman gives her all… as a blonde bimbo love interest to Kilmer’s pouting rich-boy, with what is surely her best acting to date. Well, she’s definitely never looked better…

5. Batman Begins (2005)

The Bale period finally makes its appearance in the ranking with this, a creepy, myth-busting journey into Batman’s origins. Liam Neeson pops up as teacher to the orphaned Bruce Wayne, but makes less of an impression as the villain of the piece. Director Christopher Nolan, having worked previously with Bale, settles in comfortably with his cohort, creating a typically neurosis-heavy tale of redemption and transformation. Other famous faces, like Gary Oldman, add welcome depth to the supporting cast, and whilst Bale makes a good fist of his performance as Batman, his portrayal of Bruce Wayne is slightly repellant. A good effort overall, but strays too far into reality.

4. Batman Returns (1992)

Visionary director and all-round master of Gothicism, Tim Burton, follows up his 1989 smash hit with this gruesomely twisted sequel. From the fetishistic Catwoman (Michelle Pfeiffer) to the grotesque Penguin (Danny DeVito), the audience is presented with an oddly evil gallery of rogues. Yet Burton still manages to evoke sympathy for their plights into madness, with Keaton’s calmly brooding Dark Knight taking a back seat. The effects, sets and stylishly destructive action are orchestrated with a finesse and attention to detail rarely found in such high-budget affairs, leaving one of the all-time high points on Batman’s cinematic career.

3. The Dark Knight (2008)

“Blasphemy!” I hear you cry. “Unneccessarily controversial!” you’re probably thinking, if not saying. But there it is, The Dark Knight is not the best Batman film. Taking it for granted that readers are already well-versed in what makes this such a ‘modern masterpiece’, I will highlight some of the negatives that spoiled it for me. Christian Bale sounds silly, and is faintly boring. Heath Ledger gives a riveting portrayal of a deranged, nihilistic murderer… but he isn’t funny. He fails to strike that balance between criminal lunacy and jarring threat at the very core of the Joker. Christopher Nolan’s movie is a disturbing and thought-provoking exploration of ’the war on terror’ and contemporary global issues, despite what many nit-picking naysayers claim. The problem is that, for the most part, it has nothing to do with the Batman universe. Divorced from its comic book origins, completely humourless and fairly depressing. Still a bloody great film though.

2. Batman (1989)

Recently over-shadowed by the above movie, this still remains the superior effort. Michael Keaton is wholly convincing, whether shuffling around a party as Bruce Wayne, or being a gravelly-voiced badass on the streets of Gotham. Gloomy cinematography abounds, with painted-in backgrounds and obvious minatures only adding to the feeling of warped grandiose. Every actor plays to perfection, every set-piece is a marvel to behold… but there is little doubt that Jack Nicholson’s scenes are the most memorable. Keaton does too good a job to let him steal the show, but Nicholson’s Joker is a marvellous manic creation: an urbanely tough gangster turned Clown Prince of Crime. Burton’s bizarre show really stays with you.

1. Batman: Mask of the Phantasm (1993)

The Caped Crusader’s greatest cinematic representation is a paltry 77 minutes long. But if you count yourself as a true fan of the comics, animation, or even movies in general, you aren’t going to want to miss this. A flop at the cinema, with a quality of animation hardly much better than the TV show that it’s spun-off from, the movie has since gained a cult following on video and DVD. Kevin Conroy excels himself this time, as Batman is forced to confront his past, from his dead parent’s legacy to an old flame that might just be his last chance at happiness. There really is emotion and pathos to spare, handled with subtelty and remarkable deftness. Shirley Walker’s stirring musical score permeates the compelling, even gut-wrenching set-pieces, all with a simple, bold animation style. And finally, there is the small matter of Mark Hamill as the Joker; not only is the villain at his cackling, sadistic best here, we even get to learn a little about his life before becoming the ultimate scary clown. He’s the perfect nemesis to Batman, and this is the perfect Batman film. Go and see it now!